Friday night I went to dinner with DH, my best friend and her husband. We were celebrating the boys' birthdays. And as happy circumstance would have it, their birthdays fall during Restaurant Week in Boston. We went to Brasserie Jo, an Alsatian style bistro in the Back Bay. It was wonderful. The meal was great. They bring over piping hot French bread and julienned carrots that are marinated in a really tasty dressing. The food was great, but at one point, DH looked over at me and said, "Wow, you're really dressed up compared to everyone here." Mind you, I was wearing the Laura Bennett Dress, (and damn, I looked hot!) Of course, I had two glasses of Nicolas Feuillat champagne in me, so I looked at him and uttered the words in the title of this post. All conversation at the table stopped for a nanosecond, and then we all burst out laughing.
But why do people wear their underdressed look as a badge of honor? I mean, this is one of the nicest restaurants in Boston. I love my jeans and sneaks as much as the next person, but is it really so onerous to clean up once in a while? And I'm not just talking about that. There was the whole brouhaha last summer with flip-flops at the White House, and I went to a black tie not too long ago where someone was wearing jeans! I know that folks figure, "I'm paying for this, I can durn well dress as I please." But most of the time it just doesn't look good.
So what's your experience? Have you seen someone dressed down wildly inappropriately? Is it just a Northeast phenomenon? Is it just me? No, don't answer that last one.
Happy people watching!
4 days ago
19 comments:
I thought it was just a west coast phenomenon, you know, casual California. I went to a wedding last summer. The invitation was formal, it was in a church, and the reception included a luncheon. DH wore a coat and tie, I wore a silk skirt and jacket. Several 40 something men wore khakis, hawaiian shirts, and flip flops! We were appalled. Happy Sewing and fabric buying and selling. Jeanette
I think a lot of people don't understand dress codes any more. I know I tend to ask very carefully before I go anywhere new! A lot of folks won't even own a suit now either....
I also think this is a consequence of the general dumbing down of society. Another downside of the 24/7 casual mindset is that there seems to be only two modes of dress for women: resolutely flip flop casual, or hoochie mamma hottie. So many other modes of fashion - sporty, elegant, businesslike, daytime formal - seem to have completely fallen by the wayside. Phyllis
Ann, I've also noticed that many US residents revel in their casual look, whatever the occasion - wedding, funeral, watching the Philadelphia Orchestra play at the Kimmel Center, for example. Perhaps it's because they either can't be bothered, or don't want to seem like they're trying too hard. When I'm shopping, say at Nieman Marcus, at the King of Prussia mall, I often wonder where the clothes that are sold are worn, since I see them on the racks but never see them on anyone - even at private parties, in good restaurants, the the orchestra, etc. Some members of my extended family (ages 25 to 55) attended Thanksgiving at my mother's house wearing Old Navy loose fitting sweatshirts and baggy jeans, looking like they were ready to play a round of volleyball. Their dress seemed disrespectful to my mother. I try to dress nicely (and 'up') for most social occasions because I think dressing well shows respect for the host and the others with whom you're going to interact.
I feel the same way. I can't imagine going out to a nice restaurant on a Saturday night and not dressing up! And that is out here in the suburbs of Long Island. It is fun to dress up, I feel great and my husband loves it and I get great complements, even after 34 years of marriage.
Ann,
Your Laura Bennett dress is such a uniquely styled garment, that as you have said is a classic look suitable for many occasions in the years to come! Kudos to you for donning it for DS's birthday - Stand out, you do that well and impress us all!
Although not exactly what you are asking for, where this fits with me at present: As a 40-something graduate student (almost finished, thankfully) I enjoy wearing my business casual wardrobe around campus much of the time. Surprisingly, there are a lot of us in the 40 - 55 age range on this campus. Those who tend to dress professionally, get treated that way. Yet, I notice that many students don't seem to make that connection.
Don't get me started on over/underdressing! For four years, my husband presided over the formal dinners that followed the graduation ceremonies for his military pilots. Every 8 weeks I was "treated" with a variety of interpretations of what constituted formalwear. Some were absolutely stunning ... the most memorable were a white salwaar kameez that had sliver beadwork and embroidery that I was salivating over and a spandex-ey tube top over an assymmetrical pleather skirt with tie up sandals. Most times, in comparison to the other staff wives, I was more formal in my gowns, but that was due to my own skills. By sewing my own ensembles, I was able to expand what I wore compared to what was available in RTW.
Being inappropriately underdressed is the norm here in south Florida! Like you, I enjoy dressing up. It just makes me feel good about myself.
Here's my rule of thumb for myself and I've passed to my children: You wouldn't wear a cocktail dress to the beach nor a bathing suit to the bar. So why would one think that jeans are all occasion? Dress appropriately.
Judi
I so completely agree. I'm trying to teach my children that there is a distinction in the way you dress for church or ballets and the way you dress to go the lake for a picnic. Not only that, but there's a certain behavior that expected at special functions.
I dress professionally for work, and make an effort to make clothes that look that way. With my size and shape, I could pass for a student if I dressed the way they do, and in fact, have on a few occassions.
I hinted at this experience in a previous post, but I was a model at a fashion show within the last year. The choreographer was wearing a baggy shirt, capris and either tennis shoes or flip flops. Her hair was piled on her head in some sort of scrunchy thing. I thought she was a stage hand of some sort and it turns out that she does these events professionally. I was surprised - I would have thought that if you're in that line of work, you'd dress the part. Guess not.
One last thing, my mother always used to tell me, when in doubt, wear a dress. You'll at least be appropriate if the attire is dressy and look better than most if it's not.
Oh goodness, don't get me started. Well, I love my jeans and sneakers as well, when they are appropriate, but this dressing down for everything seems ubiquitous. I admit that I probably am normally more "dressed" than many of my neighbors but it seems selfish to me to think you can wear jeans or shorts anywhere, and it shows a lack of respect for others and oneself. I feel much better about myself, and the occasion is all that more special, for having made an effort in dressing.
I feel fortunate that I do go places where I see people wearing nice clothes. But generally people dress down everywhere. I was most startled about a month ago in New York, when we were at a Philharmonic concert at Avery Fisher Hall (where audience attire seems to run the entire gamut of sartorial expression) when there was a gentleman in the Patron's Lounge wearing a sweat suit and sneakers. I don't care how much money you give, that seems inappropriate. At the same time, I have noticed that there are quite a few young couples, in their 20s, attending concerts and they are often more formally attired than the older concert goers. The young men often wear suits and ties and the young ladies are in pretty cocktail or dinner dresses with heels. It may be a simple case of dressing up for a special date, but it is such a welcome change.
How about dressing totally hootchie for work? What makes women think that showing a navel or upper thigh in a meeting gets them anywhere? It really angers me because I think it perpetuates the old school stereotype that women only advance in corporate america based on their sexuality. Good grief.
Summerset's post about the choreographer brings up a question. Look at some of the pictures and videos from shows like those during Fashion Week. Why does the designer appear at the end of the show in the same outfit she went jogging in the day before? Male designers appear in the kind of jeans and t-shirts that my guys wear to make plumbing repairs. If they're trying to convince us that we should pay big bucks to dress up in their designs, couldn't they make an effort to dress themselves stylishly? On the other hand, maybe they have plans for a late dinner at the same restaurant Ann was in....
Ann - your dress is gorgeous - keep wearing it proudly. I have seen crop tops and flip flops at a FUNERAL (ick!!). Stopping by the grocery store in sweats on your way home from the gym is one thing, stopping by the opera on your way home from the gym is another. I've seen something darn close - jeans and a seed cap. Take the darn cap of for Pete's sake. If overdressing is dressing appropriately keep doing it. My mom always said - better overdressed than underdressed....
Yep, I've seen guys wear jeans to weddings. I went from having to cover my legs in pantyhose at work in Wisconsin to being able to wear flip flops and not having to cover my tattoo!
You know, there are so many fabulous formal gown patterns that we need any excuse we can get to make them!
Luckily my 20 daughters love dressing up. Perhaps it's from living with me for so many years. We always spend hours deciding on wardrobe additions for the upcoming season!! And, of course, we actually wear them.
Is it just you? Heck no, I've been complaining about this for years. I think it shows a lack of respect for one's host/dinner companions not to dress up.
Is it just a Northeast phenomenum? Unfortunately, it isn't. It's everywhere.
I think it's a holdover from the 60s, when anything "establishment" (such as dressing up) was viewed to be "phony". The people who believed this brought their kids up to believe it, and now the poor darlings are just waiting for us to lead by example and show up looking fabulous! It's our civic duty.
See, I thought it was a California thing! I see people (ok, mostly guys) at Mass in shorts and baseball caps which I think is beyond the pale. I don't even mind jeans in church if they're nice jeans and worn with a nice shirt, but shorts? NO. Not to mention that here in San Francisco it's not even usually warm enough to justify shorts for comfort's sake.
I also always see people carrying their beat up old water bottles and swigging out of them at inappropriate times. Again, I don't mind under most circumstances, but not in church, not in nice restaurants, not at weddings or funerals or nice events of any kind. I want so tell people: You're not gonna die of dehydration if you put your bottle away for a few hours, and you're not a toddler who needs it for security! Geez.
Once I was at a funeral and I saw one of the family members walking in the church and going down the aisle with a Jack in the Box cup and straw. At another funeral I attended, a young girl wore flip flops....and it was in the dead of winter.
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